my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
