Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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