dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
