i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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