i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize