the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
