dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
