don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
