1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want nice things and good sex
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
