Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
