I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i think im in europe. pls send help
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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