Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
