he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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