You just made me feel so damn special
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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