So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
