You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
