My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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