I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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