i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
