Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
