her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
