You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
