I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
