Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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