found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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