just tell him i said nine months
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
