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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
