so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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