i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
