Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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