babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Someone signed my nipple.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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