I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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