Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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