If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"