Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

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  (312): We made it safely. Thanks for the call though. http://tfl.nu/g3rc
  Replies (12) Good night (1192) Bad night (1239)
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  (858): View more from California

  I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest

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  (858): I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest http://tfl.nu/rx4r
  Replies (4) Good night (1748) Bad night (477)
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  (310): View more from California

  and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.

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  (310): and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night. http://tfl.nu/rugs
  Replies (33) Good night (638) Bad night (3033)
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  (510): View more from California

  You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...

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  (510): You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock... http://tfl.nu/jcau
  Replies (236) Good night (1012) Bad night (3800)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.

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  (647): look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me. http://tfl.nu/z593
  Replies (4) Good night (750) Bad night (3216)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (58) Good night (12308) Bad night (1188)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

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  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2664) Bad night (6336)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme

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  (662): looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme http://tfl.nu/w8jn
  Replies (16) Good night (3829) Bad night (1659)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

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  (913): You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy http://tfl.nu/fi9p
  Replies (12) Good night (5382) Bad night (1167)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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  (270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6
  Replies (8) Good night (5416) Bad night (1581)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.

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  (860): Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/foqn
  Replies (5) Good night (939) Bad night (1465)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.

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  (203): I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday. http://tfl.nu/b5pa
  Replies (3) Good night (571) Bad night (1631)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick

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  (515): Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick http://tfl.nu/oet2
  Replies (3) Good night (727) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.

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  (209): I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately. http://tfl.nu/q37y
  Replies (0) Good night (436) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.

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  (352): You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on. http://tfl.nu/uyd0
  Replies (2) Good night (452) Bad night (312)

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