Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.

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  (269): I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient. http://tfl.nu/pars
  Replies (10) Good night (664) Bad night (2280)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just threw up on my dentist

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  (603): I just threw up on my dentist http://tfl.nu/4tee
  Replies (20) Good night (982) Bad night (3271)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty

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  (609): i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty http://tfl.nu/sjep
  Replies (6) Good night (2769) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.

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  (650): My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent. http://tfl.nu/z7vz
  Replies (7) Good night (953) Bad night (3298)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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  (316): Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can. http://tfl.nu/zubg
  Replies (26) Good night (1268) Bad night (4048)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

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  (814): Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low? http://tfl.nu/5hhv
  Replies (29) Good night (941) Bad night (4030)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ

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  (503): jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ http://tfl.nu/lpdd
  Replies (44) Good night (788) Bad night (5604)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.

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  (216): I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips. http://tfl.nu/1ir1
  Replies (10) Good night (6281) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.

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  (337): i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out. http://tfl.nu/6suh
  Replies (169) Good night (1954) Bad night (20666)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.

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  (724): I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo. http://tfl.nu/korz
  Replies (12) Good night (8007) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.

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  (701): He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon. http://tfl.nu/hvqj
  Replies (5) Good night (1624) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.

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  (209): Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid. http://tfl.nu/85w7
  Replies (8) Good night (2278) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"

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  (971): He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors" http://tfl.nu/9vvt
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.

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  (610): Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours. http://tfl.nu/ytnd
  Replies (2) Good night (457) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine

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  (937): I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine http://tfl.nu/8o8e
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (277)

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