We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
