On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.