Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Randomize
Follow @tfln