I think I won the penis lottery.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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