I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
