how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
