we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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