I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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