I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
