I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
