Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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