So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
