My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
