loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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