dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
