Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
