Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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