Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
