My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize