nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
