Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
