I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
