She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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