please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
