I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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