if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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