Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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