does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
