im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
