Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
