My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
