I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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