The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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