It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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