he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
