Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
