wakey wakey hands off snakey
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
