It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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