I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
