i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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