he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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