omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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